like, i mean you're happy with whatever you're acheiving now, but the time comes when everything's pushed to you and you gotta rely on YOURSELF. only yourself. and if you let stuff grab you, it's gonna suck so bad. so bad. i'm really sian about life right now. i'm not suicidal, don't get me wrong, i'm just looking for an extra spark. you know, the jolt which makes people want to be alive and embrace living! why can't we all do that? i mean, i envy the people who find real meaning in living their lives. like they really push to live it to the fullest. all these years whenever you know you're watching a reality show and the contestants are all like 'i sacrificed this this this because i want to live my life to the fullest' i thought it was crap. but now i really know what it means, and i want to do it.